**This article is dedicated to the former Mr. & Mrs. Terius Nash… lol**
Although I can’t pop lock & drop it like I used to and I now prefer to buy stocks & bonds more than shoes & handbags, I am still what most people would consider “young”. Not young like an immature kid that has no clue about life and the real world, but young in the sense that I am just beginning the journey that is the rest of my life. At this intersection of youngness & grow person-ness, I, like many of my peers, have bought a home, settled into a career (kinda sorta) and things of that nature. One thing that also inevitably comes up at this intersection is the idea of starting a family. Even if you don’t feel like a family is in your foreseeable future, you tend to date a little differently with the ideas of a spouse & kids in mind. But what if you are an early bloomer and hit these milestones before your peers? Most people would agree that completing your education, having a good career, etc sooner than later are great accomplishments, but what about those milestones that are more subjective? While it is no longer a taboo to have kids young and/or out of wedlock, if you are “young” and divorced, are you considered damaged goods???
I have yet to attend my 10 yr high school reunion, but I have friends that are my age and divorced. This is so eerily phenomenal to me (yeah, bc I’m weird like that). Like really divorced. Not single after breaking up w/their high school sweetheart or even healing from a broken engagement, but legally married and divorced while still in their twenties.
Sometime around junior year of high school, I became real “Charlotte-esque” and decided that all I really wanted to be in life was a housewife (& this was a decade before all these blasphemous reality shows where none of the housewives are actually real despite the titles of said blasphemous shows but I digress… ). I still did well in school, went to college and got a job because I wanted to be as much of a total package as possible in the hopes of landing a quality Mr. Right. I am sooo far from that frame of mind now (hence the reason why they CallMeKarrie and not Charlotte) but I think a small piece of me would have literally died if I had achieved wife-dom early only to be divorced today. I think I would rather tell people that I have twins by two different men than to admit that I am a 20something divorcee (lol, j/k).
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think you should consider yourself damaged goods if you are young and divorced but you have to admit that it is major baggage to carry into a new relationship. I have actually dated two young divorcees and while it wasn’t the ultimate issue that ended the relationships, it was always a factor. In the first case, I was friends with the guy first so I knew there was an ex-wife in the picture. In the second situation, it was something I found out after we were dating for a while and I will admit that I was instantly turned off for that a moment.
Just as there is life after any breakup, there is life after divorce. Having been the new recipient of young divorcees, I will offer a few pieces of advice for people in that situation:
* Be honest & up front about former marriage/spouse – This may not be a first date conversation, but if your new love interest asks you about your last relationship, don’t just say “things just didn’t work out, we were on two different pages”. (child please)
* Sever all unnecessary ties to your ex – If kids are involved this will be a little harder to do, but none of that “now we are just roommates bc we can’t afford to live alone” bs.
* Don’t treat yourself like damaged goods!!! – It’s unfortunate that it didn’t work out the first time, but once you’ve had sufficient time to heal & reflect, move on. There is nothing worse than someone with a “woe is me attitude” after a breakup. Even if it is a while before you are ready to get back in the dating scene, keep active in becoming a better you. You want to still be an attractive candidate, inside and out, the next time love comes your way.
